Blog Archives

Dude, where’s my car? – Meet the GTA Legends

I don’t know what would happen if you actually managed to get every GTA protagonist in a single room (apart from all the ‘commandeered’ vehicles parked haphazardly outside); but I do know that I’d give anything to be a fly on that wall, because that would be one hell of a party. Or massacre – really, it could go either way. We’d almost certainly have to bring in Michael Bay for the documentary, too.

This artwork is the creation of Patrick Brown – he’s a gamer and an immensely talented artist, and that’s a very good combination for the rest of us. I highly recommend browsing through his work on Deviant Art, so much so that I’m going to link to it again!

Click on past the break for the remaining pictures in Patrick’s ‘GTA Legends’ series.

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Watch out, we’ve got an incoming Stealth Bastard: Tactical Espionage Arsehole


Really, I could’ve just made an empty post with that title and I would’ve been happy.

Still, I suppose I should tell you – a deluxe edition of Stealth Bastard, described as a crazy love-child of Metal Gear Solid and Super Meat Boy, will be sneaking up on Steam this November. This edition will, at the very least, feature some brand-new stealth equipment that the freeware version doesn’t have. So who else is planning on picking up the self-described ‘game that injects a syringe-full-o’-adrenaline and a liberal dash of bastard-hardness into the hide-em-up’?

I’ll be honest, they had my attention at ‘bastard’ but they had my money at ‘arsehole’.

A Japanese mech could be yours for $1.35 million, why are you still here?

Suidobashi Heavy Industries are the brains behind Kuratas, a 13-foot tall mobile suit that weighs 4.4 tons, and looks like a cross between a Geth unit and a Metal Gear. Oh, did I mention that it’s available for pre-order right now?

At this juncture, I feel that I should point out a few things. Firstly, there is some debate whether this is real or not. Secondly, that first point shouldn’t matter because this video is…you know what? I’m not even going to describe it; words could do it no justice. Lean back and watch four minutes and forty-two seconds of awesome. You won’t regret it. Just…try not to eat or drink anything for the duration, okay? Trust me.
If you survive the video, my second-by-second reactions are listed after the break; partly because this is one to tell the grandchildren, and partly because, well, ****.

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If I’m honest, I’d share ‘Duty Calls’ for far flimsier excuses than this

Happy 4th of July, my American friends!

How The Gunstringer came to be

Apart from being a rather popular game, 2011’s The Gunstringer is notable for being the product of possibly the greatest game-development story I’ve heard yet. Here’s an excerpt from Justin McElroy’s version of the tale:

“I’m going to go to the restroom,” said Microsoft’s Cherie Lutz, “but when I get back I really want to hear this new idea.”

“Oh yeah, it’s awesome, can’t wait.”

Twisted Pixel chief creative officer Josh Bear had responded with abounding confidence, if only to mask the truth. Because the fact of the matter, the fact that he and CEO Mike Wilford were all too aware of, as they sat in Redmond, WA Tex-Mex restaurant The Matador, was this: The idea wasn’t “awesome.” It was nonexistent.

What followed was a rather epic tale of balls-to-the-wall, fly-by-wire, skin-of-teeth, extremely-hyphenated badassery, and one you should read. In case you missed the earlier link, click here to read Justin McElroy’s article over on Joystiq.

War never changes in 10-year old game of Civilization II

In the distant future, three superpowers are locked in an endless war with each other over the scant resources left on the planet. The communist Celts, the theocratic Americans and the theocratic Vikings are all that remain of the dozens of nations that once existed on the planet; with all the other civilizations having fallen before their military might and been assimilated into their burgeoning empires. The war has lasted almost 2,000 years, and the stalemate just about half that. Nuclear fallout has swept the world, rendering large swathes of land uninhabitable. What arable land wasn’t irradiated is now mostly swamp, because it was inundated by the melting of the ice caps. Between nuclear annihilation and famine, 90% of the world’s population is dead. The survivors live in hellish suffering, as military production takes priority over absolutely everything else. Guerrilla uprisings sporadically occur, and are ruthlessly suppressed. The year is 3991 AD, and there’s no end to the war in sight.

Very Orwellian, no? The above paragraph isn’t inspired by 1984, or indeed any other pillar of the dystopian community – it is the state of affairs in a Civilization II game that’s been going on for 10 years. As he describes in this thread on Reddit, user Lycerius kept at it well beyond the game’s usual end point in 2020; because, as he says, “I thought that it might be interesting to see just how far into the future I could get and see what the ramifications would be.”

While the ramifications undoubtedly turned out to be pretty grim, he’s doing everything he can to fix the world based on suggestions he’s received from other Reddit users; and, what’s more, he’s also uploaded the save-game so that others can try their luck. It’s even spawned an entire subreddit – titled, appropriately enough, The Eternal War – dedicated to ending the war; it’s devoted to strategies,  comparisons and, inevitably, fan-fiction. (Update – at least one player has managed to end the Eternal War already; check out inigos’ account of his victory here.)

It’s been 16 – sixteen! – years since Civilization II released, and it’s still giving us amazing stories like this. This is why I love gaming.

While I highly recommend you read the thread itself, it’s possible you may not have the time to go through it. So, if you’re interested, join me after the break where I’ve posted a few of the more brilliant bits.

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’twas the day before Diablo III…

…and I couldn’t really be arsed. So here’s a collection of artwork from the talented DeviantArtist *xxEpicxx. Pretty awesome, I think you’ll agree. Click here to visit his DeviantArt page and tell him what a swell fellow he is, if you feel so inclined. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go back to watching the clock.

If Quake Was Done Today, It Might Look Like This

I’ll admit I felt a shiver run down my spine while watching this. Light-hearted? Yes. Tongue firmly in cheek? Yes. And yet…not quite as far-fetched as you’d like, is it?

Go Right – This is what we do

Gaming’s changed a lot through the years; but through it all, some fundamental tenets have stayed true.

Red barrels blow up, this is known; people standing around town with exclamation marks over their heads usually have something to say to you; and Nazis suck, all the way from the Wolfenstein variety (alive) through to the Call of Duty variant (not so much).

Even before all of these, however, there was one mandate, one prime directive, one basic impulse that kept us forging onward.

Go right, my son.

Finally, Conclusive Proof : Google Plays Zerg


If you’ve always had a sneaking suspicion that the folks at Google lived and died for the Swarm:

a) You overthink things, dude.

b) This is probably the greatest day of your life.

Head on over to Google, search for the phrase ‘zerg rush’ (or just click here) and try to get as many of them as you can before they – inevitably – get you.